And now i start looking up..

I recently realised that the only time when we look up for help is when we cant help ourselves. Its a situation where one is between four walls which are closing on and ultimately the only place you can look is up, thats when we remember that theres someone up there. I guess thats exactly what i am doing , as long as there was space around i was looking to solve issues myself . It was only when walls really started closing on me did I realise that now there was no way around and then started looking up ( which i should have done much before, I owe him an apology there). But now since i ve realised that I am feeling much better knowing that no matter how out of control things go, they are always in his control and he will lead us through. A lesson which was long due , finally learnt (But did i really learn it ?, i am still unsure..).

confusion???

I am confused about a lot of things , about myself , those around me and the situations. What appears real once disappears and becomes illusionary the next moment. I am really struggling to realise what are people and their thoughts , everyone has things hidden in them so who is real and whom to believe ? its a million dollar question , one with no answer. Guess at 2 in the night i am just ranting .. getting too philosophical..need to seriously take a break..

What keeps me going ?

In the last one year I learnt a lot of things about myself, about people and about life in general. What really struck me was most of what we see and hear are illusions and deceptions ( well I am bordering cynicism here ) but thats what i figured out . But one needs to adapt and adjust in order to survive . So what keeps me going when i am low ? initially i tended to depend on others for support but soon realised that they have their own worlds . So i went back to do what i enjoy doing the most - painting , reading and of course music. Painting transports me to a world which is mine , where i am happy . I can be what i like and not what others want me to be. i guess that this is one of the most precious lessons i learnt .I am really thankful to the Lord for endowing me with such a talent which keeps me happy and going .

Attitude problems?

My current fb status..does others attitute bother me or mine bothers them??? was a question ive been contemplating for quite sometime. I really couldnt get any valid answers but some of them made me feel much better. Like the one which said..if people dont like your attitude they dont deserve to be around you. i liked this because it was always pointed out to me that i needed to compromise and change for the world, but how much and what is the limit was never told. But i guess this freedom of making choices about whom to be with and whom not also comes with its own set of risks. The risk of totally isolating oneself, the risk of letting go of people who truly care for you in pursuit of someone better. So after realising all this i decided to reconnect with people who were always there with me accepted my attitude, and were happy with it. This is dedicated to all my dear ones back home,missing you guys.

Stress busters

nowadays i am blogging regularily because this is proving to be an amazing stress busting exercise. At 3 in the night when most of the world sleeps (i stress most of the world, since right now i can see 84 people still there on the ip list) this is a world which works in the night and fights to stay awake in the morning much to the annoyance of the professors.So what are my thoughts,after a 4 hour management information systems assignment all i can see is data matrices flying around my head. And with the impending mid sems day after tomorrow and not a single word studied,the situation needs to be experienced to be understood. Meanwhile i realised that certain things make me happy so i am trying to concentrate on those things and i realised that they really work as effective stress busters.

Patience

Patience is truly a virtue and with the number of assignments which i have been doing in the past two weeks showed me what I lacked ...when working with people these 8 letters are of utmost importance.At the end of it the lesson i learnt was you either are born with patience or you acquire it, if you dont do either you cant survive . World is unfair and all the people in it and only patience and adjustment will push you through.Through all these i realised that these are very trivial compared to so many others facing much more pain each day but pushing ahead.I should be thankful for where i am what i have and forget the pain and enjoy life. So this is my prayer everyday.."Lord please give me patience and strength to live and experience each moment as it comes..and thank you for all the small mercies you have granted me each day. Amen.

Why do i blog?

well i feel this blog is a nice medium to vent out my feelings , which might look depressing to others but thats exactly why i prefer to write this blog to rise up from all the tough circumstances. Life is just getting tougher and friends fewer , and lonliness is something i am geting accustomed to. The pressure is mounting and when situations turn bad people turn worse and hence i am writing this blog. I guess i am overtly sensitive and as my mom always says get stronger and dont bother about what people say , but it isnt that easy . But theres always a rainbow after a storm and i am waiting for one in my life and meanwhile i continue to look above for solace and strenght from one who truly listens to me and understands me - my true friend.